So. 2017. That happened.
I see the last time I posted to this blog was in January 2017, and it was my 2016 year in review post. Well, there’s a good reason for why I haven’t posted anything else this past year, and it’s not just that I’ve been swamped juggling grad school, work, and commuting.
My father died in April.
I’ve been thinking about how best to write this post for almost the entire year. Should I write a detailed, blow-by-blow of his last four months of life—the confusion about his symptoms, the fear of his diagnosis, the suddenness of his passing? Or do I just say it plain, leaving it bare for people to take in the fact on its own? I still don’t know the answer to that, so I’m just going to get it over with.
My father started having back pain in January. He was diagnosed with multiple myeloma in March. He died in April.
To top it all off, my sister has been suffering from flare ups of her various chronic conditions this entire year. She is now too disabled to work, and we’re trying to figure out how to work through that. I’m only working part time while I’m in school, and my mom is mostly living off the annuity she receives from the government—about a third of what would have been my father’s pension—so things are pretty tight right now money-wise.
Oh, and yeah, I ended up in the emergency room. Twice.
It really didn’t help that almost everyone in my family was going through medical problems this year (my mother had hip surgery in January, too), but of course it had to happen the year that Obamacare suffered some major setbacks because of the constant sabotaging and attempts at repealing it from the assholes in charge. Living in constant fear of losing my health insurance, and my sister being incapable of signing up with the insurance offered in our area because she would then lose all of her specialists who have been working with her for years, was not exactly how I wanted to spend my grieving process.
But there have been a couple good things to come out of this hell year. I received a scholarship to help ease my crushing student debt for grad school, for one. I also got a promotion at work—still part time and only a couple thousand more a year, but still, I’m moving up. And then there’s some great news—my brother got engaged! So not everything is terrible. Just most things.
Obviously, I didn’t get much time to write this year, but I haven’t abandoned it completely. I’ve worked on a few projects and I’m waiting to hear back from some things that I’ve submitted. But I didn’t want to push myself this year, not with what happened, not with what I’ve been dealing with. I have hope, however, that things will improve.
2018, you better be good.